I realized this morning I hadn't thanked people for all of the birthday wishes yet, so I figured I should sit down and write a journal to keep those who were wondering abreast of how things have been going.... although I'm in a rather introspective mood so it might end up having a rather melancholy tone.
Firstly, I do what to thank everyone for the birthday wishes... I'm a little surprised so many people follow this account... Particularly since I haven't been very good at posting things. Despite the desires I expressed in my last journal, I largely failed at my efforts at being more active in drawing and posting things. I've been trying to make a better effort with the start of this year, but it's still something of a struggle.
My personal situation is unfortunately rather worse than it was this time last year. A lot of things happened over the course of the year, some of them good, and some of them bad. At the moment, my financial situation is pretty precarious, as I lost the steady job I had last year and my savings have been depleted. I've got some supports in place for now, but things still feel pretty uncertain. What's worse is that I've started to feel creatively stagnant, as I look back over the past couple of years and feel that I haven't really been able to accomplish much with transformation art or stories. I rarely can seem to come up with new ideas, and can bring them to fruition even less... and it's gotten particularly frustrating at times when I see other people accomplish that, bringing to life ideas I wish I could have. My depression has also gotten a lot worse over the past few months, particularly in the way I obsess about certain things. I suspect it's tied to the lack of accomplishment I feel... at the moment, I feel very empty inside, with nothing to really support or encourage myself with. I have distractions I can use to divert myself, but at the end of the day I don't have much to push myself forwards with.
So I'm still trying to push forwards with my art... the characters I've created and the ideas I have been able to realize are still one of the things that make me happiest. I just feel I need to figure out how to get those rusty creative wheels turning again, so I can actually get more done...